Suicide survivors
My suicide survivor's handbook, normalizes the experience of the suicide survivor and is thought provoking about what we may not be able to do to prevent suicide - which helps alleviate the woulda/coulda/shouda guilt nearly universally experienced by survivors.
Life After Suicide: Finding Courage, Comfort & Community After Unthinkable Loss. Jennifer Ashton. 2019.
A good recounting of the early phases of grief from loss of a partner to suicide, in this case a divorced couple. Also an example of how suicide does not discriminate by social status: the author is a prominent ABC news medical correspondent and her late husband was a cardiothoracic surgeon in NYC.
Understanding suicide
Being Suicidal: What It Feels Like to Want to Kill Yourself. Jesse Bering. Scientific American. October 20, 2010
The best simple and concise introduction to the suicidal mind, how life situations and self-perceptions "stack" up to lower the bar to deciding to end one's life. These life situations look quite different than the suicide risk factors used in prevention efforts; they are the factors often present that help someone cross over from contemplation to commitment.
Depression
River of Time: My Descent into Depression and How I Emerged with Hope. Naomi Judd. 2016.
Naomi writes about her battle with treatment resistant depression, a glimmer into the daily struggles with this disease, even with connections to prominent mental health researchers, doctors, and financial means to seeks help of all kinds. Sadly, Naomi eventually lost this battle in 2022, 8 years after her book was published.
General grief and loss
Everything Happens. Kate Bowler. (Podcast)
No, everything does not "Happen for a reason". Kate has guests who have a life that isn't the one they expected, but persevere, grow, and develop a deeper sense of empathy and connection because of their shared (terrible) experiences. Don't let her religious beliefs or affiliation with the Duke Divinity School deter you. Season 1...so good. This podcast helped me see I was part of a much larger world of loss, and community was bigger than I expected.
Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted. Suleika Jaouad. 2021.
No, you are not the "bad" thing. You are not your disease, your grief, or your (bad) life situation. One of the most powerful stories I've read. Suleika explains what it's like to have your life upended and need people desperately, but also her own limitations to support others when we have no bandwidth. Also a guest on Everything Happens (see above) podcast, good enough for 2 parts (Season 6, Episode 15 and 16). Made me cry - multiple times, helped me dissociate me vs the experience I was going through.
On Grief and Grieving: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. 2005
This is your Grief 101 textbook. It presents the 5 stages of grief, which are not linear (the authors acknowledge this despite this being a common critique of Kubler-Ross/Kessler). It will help orient you when you're in the midst of grief-induced vertigo. Can't understand how you're grief stricken one minute and ok the next? They explain it. Do you wonder why you feel relief, but then feel guilty for feeling relieved? They explain this too. While you may not experience all the stages, or in the order they are presented, they help normalize the experience of grief.